Crazy!

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So I’m testing/tracking my ovulation cycles as I’ve had my implanon implants run a muck with my body and thus had it removed. So far I started using the pee ovulation sticks and I quickly gave up on them as they are so bloody hard to read! I then have been using the digital ovulation tests and success I’m not going cross eyed nor insane from stressing out on the different varieties of seeing 2 different shaded lines!

I’m curious as I’ve now tested positive for ovulation fertility for the pass 7 days.. shall be interesting to see what occurs tomorrow . I’m not charting madly I just want to see my body is getting back to normal and when I’m ready I’ll be able to fall pregnant using donor sperm with artifical insemination when the timing is right. MADNESS? Probably but I really want to have one last child. Yes I’m a single mummy of2 beautiful children and yes I’ve been doing it without being a relationship or having a partner but I’m proud. I’m not waiting for or wanting a man in my life, I’m just content with my kids. Haha on that note: it would be nice to eventually have that special person in my life but I’m not holding my breath….

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Today I’m grateful for :
💖 Being able to dig out 3 massive buckets full of bindis in the backyard..whilst my son was swinging his sister in her swing-both giggling!
💟 My daughter for being 90% potty trained today. Haha telling me ‘wee mum!” Including toilet dance here
💘 My son whos not well at the moment and in medication, did his homework without argument.
💚 Being nominated for bloggers award by; This lovely Lady means a great deal! Please go check out her blog. https://itsgoodtobecrazysometimes.wordpress.com
💛 Wrestling our fury baby (dog) and she knows instantly to stop, be nice and gentle if the kids come to play.

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Today I’m grateful for :
🐓 Going to my sons fete. We had a great time as my son went on a few rides and my daughter loved the pigs and chicks whilst my son loved the lambs.
🐢 Being thanked for the 145 cupcakes I baked for the fair was nice.
🐮
🐄 The rain as its soaked the plants and grass. Also its calmed down the humidity.
🐴 My dad who loves spending quality time with my kids.

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Today I’m grateful for :
🐞 My son having another awsome fay at school. 2 weeks in a row! I also watched the book week parade dress up and had a great time.
🍦Being able to bake 145 cupcakes fully decorating each one for the school fete tomorrow.
🍧Watching my daughter tickle our dog is priceless.
🍨 Even though I was running non stop today Im grateful for being able to have one pee in peace! Ha ninja mummy.!
🍭 I recieved my next 3 books in the anita blake series!! I am blissfully happy!!

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Today I’m grateful for :
😆 Finished sewing and altering my sons batman suit for book week parade tomorrow. One very happy boy!
😗 Having to blow dry our fury baby as she got wet from the rain. I’ve never seen a dog loving it so much.
😍 Getting told by a random elderly lady that my son has such wonderful manners and its nice to see for a change.
😛 My daughters contagious giggling when shes playing with her big brother.
😘 The emense strong loving bond my children have is amazing.

I laughed so hard I couldn’t breath..

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Seriously.. have a look:

This just got posted anonymously on one of the mums pages that I am on:
NO NAMES PLEASE
ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION….
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT….
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT CHILLI OIL OR VICKS (YEAH THE SMELLY STUFF) ANYWHERE I REPEAT ANYWHERE NEAR YOUR VAGINA!
THIS COMES TO YOU VIA ME THE POOR SUCKER…. SITTING IN THE MATERNITY UNIT WITH MY A$$ AND SAID VAGINA BOILING THE ICE BUCKET IM SITTING IN…
I WANT TO GO BACK TO PEELING MY RAW EGGS (THAT WAS YESTERDAYS BABY BRAIN) NOW….
Im actually laughing…. could be the pain…. could be the stupidity…. could even be the pain relief…. but anyways… just DONT DO IT….
34 weeks pregnant…
DAY ONE OF THE GREAT BURNT BADGER…
Ok soooooooooo i hate chilli HATE IT…. but we have a chilli plant (HAD A PLANT…. I AM BURNING THAT EVIL DEMONIC BASTARD THING IF IF I EVER RECOVER) Im picking the poxy little things for the MR to pickle (he just looooooooooves the asshole to burn APPARENTLY well thats what i think) i picked these tiny pathetic little lava suckers…. get in the house and sneeze…. shit shit shit waddle waddle waddle i need to peeeeeeeee waddle waddle DONT LEAK DONT LEAK…. yes made it… omg soooooooooo good….. and wipe…. holy freaking shit balls mother fooker god damn im seeing stars the pains intense…. i scream…. hubby comes and gets me and puts me onto the bed…. im screaming and frashing about begging for something anything to stop the burn….. he gets a cold flannel…. it helps…. then Mr says ill put some vaseline on it…. in his rush he grabbed vicks…. he smoothers it on…. the shit just slides off as its too hot down stairs to stick BUT it does mat into my nice little mound of lady flufff the stuffs like superglue in cotton wool…..
I am now laying/tossing/thrashing about in bed and have a twat that is burned to the buggery, matted lady fluff thats like a little bush on fire (wish chilli bush was on fire) and i am too scared to pee…. mind due it would probably be cooler than i think…. my bumhole is just as hot…. Ever tried walking to a car with the demonic hell fire pits raging through your groin????!!!!! My legs were spread that damn wide trying to get a cool breeze the neighbours and all saw me wheeled out via the ambulance men again suprised they fitted me through the door as my legs still spread…. mind due the neighbours know my vag was on fire… i was quite vocal about it…. im going to have to move i think…..
The rate i am going i could probably write a book….
Im calling it
Baby brain fook ups and burnt badger
the MR says to me as i am sitting in my god damn ice bucket “honey arent you afraid the ice might i dont know slip in your bum or somewhere……..”
No asswipe no fooking way in hell would they do that as the fooking things fooking melt before they get anywhere fooking near it….
The nurses have asked him to go for a walk….
But yes i must admit hairs not a issue anymore(was trying to decided waxed shaved or trimmed for birth).. all smooth…. not sure whether it self combusted and burnt off… or they shaved me or it melted…. fantastic for hair removal….
Now….
I wonder if it will grow BACK…..
Its ok dinner at maternity has arrived…
Chilli con carne….
Can i possibly scream any louder?
I can hear Frozen’s “let it go” from the nursery….
Well hopefully tomorrow is better….
DAY 2….
Ok so the badger is recovered not as hot as it was…. farted though and the warm air set my butthole alight…. to scared to shit…. mind due the frozen condom ice pops are fantastic but everytime i walk it sounds like fanny farts…. still havent been game to look…. from the feel of things my poor flaps are hanging and feel like bubblewrap…. went for a checkup today…. they saw me and took all their strength not to laugh…. mind due im walking with my legs spread that far the baby will probably fall out…. one wrong move and i will do the splits… was laying down watching a cooking show with the MR hes still not game to come near me…. they were cooking clams…. he smiled adoringly at me…. i threw my coffee cup at his head asshole….
Day 3….
BURNT BADGER UPDATE….
MUST MOVE TOWNS STATES EVEN….
NEIGHBOURS LAUGH AND WAVE IF THEY SEE ME….
MATERNITY IS IN HYSTERICS AND BABIES ARE POPPING OUT FROM MUMS LAUGHING….
MY BADGER FEELS LIKE DRIED UP OLD LEATHER….
ALL OF THESE I CAN LIVE WITH….
MY FOOKING CONDOM ICE POLE BADGER COOLER…. WAIT FOR IT….
FELL OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF WOOLIES FRUIT AND VEG….
FELL
OUT
IN
FRONT
OF
MASS
AMOUNTS
OF
PEOPLE
A DELIGHTFUL LITTLE SHIT HEAD OF A TEENAGER SCREAMED HER DILDO FELL OUT…
YEP
WORSE STILL IM HOLDING A…. CUCUMBER….
MY FACIAL CHEEKS ARE NOW JUST AS RED AS THE BADGER…..
Now someone asked if i was wearing knickers…..
Yes i was wearing knickers….
Oh course i was wearing freaking undies did you miss my post about NASA searching my back yard for a ufo which turned out to be my massive fucking granny knickers blowing in the wind on the line?
I may be a little out there and all but i do NOT make a habit of running around knicker less….
But there again i also dont make a habit of rubbing chillis on my flange either…..
Nor screaming MY VAG IS ON FIRE….
But this last week i have burnt my badger…. i walk like i have a pineapple up my ass and freeze condoms full of slush and wedge it in my crack…. fuck it might as well go all out..
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Today I am grateful for :
🐞 Being strong for others when they are not so and need help.
💟 Being told I’m a great mum who’s brought my children up so beautifully by random parents at school.
🐴 My son had another wonderful day at school.
💚 Buying my mum flowers cause she had more skin cancers cut out today.

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Today I’m grateful for :
🐉 Another great day had for my son at school. Everyday this happens I have an ear to ear grin.
🐝 The smiley face on my ovulation test. Seriously.
🐋 My mum who has started helping me by taking my son to school.
🐯 Being able to make my son’s batman costume for his book week parade on friday.
🐷 Being able to read some more of my book: yes I’m a huge bookworm..

Smile

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Ok so the urine test strips for ovulation we’re sending my brain mushy..to many variants on what the results are. So I ended up buying the clear blue digital ovulation test. Lets just say in a rush their not easy to do. First 2 tests I did made me want to throw a tamtrum.. I was swearing at the tests as they didnt read properly. So when I had a chance I read and reread the instructions again making sure I followed the instructions to a t. I did one this morning and finally!!! Take a look:

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My results we’re a flashing smiling face so apparently I’m highly fertile. Go me!

So why am I tracking my ovulation?? 2 reasons:
1= I have had the most worst time with my implanon implants and most ended up with non stop periods for months as a time. I need to ensure that my body has returned to a normal cycle.
2= I want to have my last child within a year or so. I’m not with anyone in a relationship; I will be using donor sperm via artificial insemination only.

Pregnant and single is my choice. I dont need to be in a relationship as I’m happy just being with my kids of which I have fulltime custody. So I’m excited.

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Today I’m grateful for :
🐞 Finally having all our renovations finished I’ve now been able to move everything back to where it all belongs..3 rooms!
🐸 My son having another great day at school and ending up running to the car to announce it makes me so proud!
🐄 Reading more of my book even if its only for a few minutes.
🐳 My kids: when they play and spend time together I can help but laugh along with their endless giggling.
🐻 My mum and her random jokes. Priceless.

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Today I’m grateful for :
🌘 My kids playing together all day. So very cute and alot of laughs,giggles, hide n seek, dinosaur impersonations.
🌗 Making my son laugh hard as when we went to bunnings was priceless. A little boy walked with his dad up the fertilizer Isle we were in:”daddy why does this place smell like shit?” Little boy was trying to whisper but yelled. My son asked me why the man had a red face and i told him. Hahaha
🌖 Just finishing putting up a bamboo fence and then it rained.
🌒 My daughter saying clear as to my mum “how are you”.
🌓 Cuddles in the bed with my kids plus my mum is funny as hell.

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Today I’m grateful for :
🐦Laughing as I let my daughter play in the garden with me..I was digging and she had the hose =mud!!
🐱My son with helping me do the grocery shop= He’s like me in and out as I dont like to be there for ever. Hehe he said “I’m glad I’m like you mum as otherwise I would be here for hours with nana”.
🐶My son helping me build an agility playground for our dog.
🐮My mum: even tho we have our moments she keepsme leveled whenever trouble hits.
🐔My dad who loves spending quality time with both kids.

😟

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Today I am grateful for :
💖 My brothers birthday.. as per mentioned in previous post.
💙 My son having another trouble free day at school.
💓My daughter who cracks me up eith our dog. Not only does my daughter hand feed our dog biscuts, random cuddles, they now have their own language where shes taught the dog how to sit so little miss can pat her. Oh my god its funny.
💜Recieving financial winnings on my scratchet. Not massive but I appreciate it.
💚 Laughing at my mum and daughter who both decided to have a sleep and snore in the middle of the day, whilst i did all the housework.

Hard

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Today Is a hard day as it would have been my brothers 45th birthday. I miss him a lot and the hardest thing is that I know that he’s still hanging around in spirit (as I can smell his unique aftershave he used to wear when he is around) but it’s not the same. He’s no longer in pain I know but I would have  loved for him to meet and play with my kids…