New start

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So it’s been less than hetick and I’ve opted for a new look: haha zombie theme cause that’s how I feel most of the time due to an incredible lack of sleep. ..still averaging roughly 2hrs max a night🔜hopefully their is an end in sight or if not I’m just going to assume this is how my sleep pattern is… argh..

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Bleh

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Going to have a bit of a vent here:

💫 Currently surviving on very minimal sleep and its been an on going thing. . Adding into that mix I’ve been diagnosed with extreemly low levels of iron and possibly need iv transfusions..

😨My 2 year old daughter sleeps now from 8pm to 930pm then its party time until I  can eventually get her back to sleep at the wee hours in the morning… omg whoever said toddlers not sleeping during the day instead all through the night has been sugar coating..

😥 I feel like a walking corpse at most times and im not one to whinge… but I really feel I’m close to breaking point. ..

😤 i ended up having my right carpul tunnel surgery done and found out that I had shattered my wrist… that was back in early march and my hand/wrist is still trying to mend…

Rant

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Ok so today i have been on my hands and knees scrubbing everything in our old house armed with gloves, hard ass bleach and other chemicals..

Why???

So when i hand the keys back for that house i will recieve a full bond refund.. considering i paid the total bond plus 3 weeks rent at our new place.. i need the refund..

Problem is that i feel so underappreciated by how much effort and hard work I’ve done for moving an entire house into our new one pretty much by myself and I’m now cleaning up the mess. I spent most of the day scrubbing like cinderella and still no one says even a thank you… I seriously feel a total crash and burn coming as I’ve only been able to sleep 30mins each night for the past few months… i want to scream at my parents in a verbal tyrant and so deservingly tell them im not their bloody slave..200w_d.gif
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IM ALIVE..

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Hi and welcome back finally!! I’ve been quite busy as of late I’ve also been with a lot of things but I hope that you’re having a happy new year so far and that everything is going the way you wish for 2016

So far 2016 has been full on:
My son has turned 11 in febuary and trust me puberty has hit hard!!. Having a hard time dealing with him asking me about who his father is.. I have life long sole custody of my son and a life long domestic violence order to protect us from the biological Feral, within this I’m finding it hard to come up with the answers that my son needs. I double checked and triple checked my court orders and even called my solicitor regrding this matter and it states clearly that I as the sole parent am not  allowed to disclose any information on eho what when where ehy etc also why I have sole custody including the domestic violence order. So what do I say. My son wants to know who is Dad is and he said he just wants to know with a shrugging shoulders and attitude look on his face.. All i say to him is:  mate a dad/parent is someone who is with you all the time, they love you, someone who looks after you on all levels, someone who plays with you etc and someone who helps you mature and grow up and does everything that i do for you and your sister. His responce,  Mum I know you are my mum my dad and you always have been but I just want to know… so I have no freaking idea what else to say??!!

I have just finished packing and moving my 2 kids, mum, dad, our fury baby and our feathered babies into our new house…yes you read right….i did it 80% all by myself..included all heavy lifting etc etc and countless nights where i average 30 minutes sleep im shattered.. still unpacking now but yes I’d like to explode a verbal attack on my dad whos just been a complete ass the whole time and of thus i have damaged myself and im all multi coloured bruised everywhere; even my pelvic bone… smashed the back of the ute drop tray right down on pelvis whilst moving and oh my god i thought i might have needed the hospital… now how to you explain a cracked vagina????

Besides that my daughter turns 2 this month… stop growing up right now…seriously please. She loves the new house, no stop talking including babbling when shes tired and very much a mini me: muss independent.

Sigh: well thats just a quick hi and hopefully optus fix our reception so i have the internet and can go back to posting on here… i miss the sharing, reading, venting etc of it..

Ps.. im also having my sevear carpul tunnel surgery on my right hand in less than 2 weeks so it shall be interesting to see how it all goes…

Please drop by and say hi!!

Stop Growing up

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Today Is  my son’s last say of Grade 5.. I cant believe where the time has gone. I still remember being pregnant and holding my little boy in my arms for the first time… i keep telling him he needs to stop growing up and he just laughs at me whilst reminding me that in 2016 he will be a senior of primary school (grade 6).. Nnooo xx

Quilting Mad

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I’m  currently madly sewing together a scrap quilt for my mum from myself and my kids. I had a handful of brightly coloured fabric and decided to randomly cut it up into different sizes, then let my preteen and toddler make their own pattern whilst im sewing it together. It’s really a funky pattern that the kids have made and I’m feeling so beyond proud of them. I will upload pictures later on. Seriously i couldnt be more proud as it was my son’s idea and he wanted his sister to help so they wanted nana to have a special xmas present that she could keep even when ‘she gets older’. Priceless.

Long time between blogs

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So I’ve not been able to get on and post anything for a while. Its been a tad crazy with both my kids being sick, I had a major crash and burn health wise and also my mum has been in these really crap high and low moods ie: happy one minute then being a total asshole the next. It’s really put pressure on the house emotionally and I have had to hold my tounge so many times I feel like a big verbal explosion of hateful truths will be spewed out of my mouth and she wont like it one bit of it. I honestly can’t understand the logical thought process of someone thinking it’s ok to be a total ass on all levels and then the next minute showering happy glittering fairy dust everywhere. When this happens oh my god she makes everyone around her feel like a monsterous blackhole as just engulfed everyone and everything surrounding her. It’s her pattern and I’ve had to deal with her feral mood patterns all my life. I wish she was honest with herself and told the doctors the truth on her mood rollercoaster but within saying that: how can she state the truth when she can’t see her destructive learned behaviour.  Honeslty if she did or the the doctor asked me about her behaviours then I would be blunt and honest as anyone could possibly be… I whole heartily grantee that she would be diagnosed with either; bipolar or manic depression and put on medications. It genuinely sucks to be around someone like this who won’t get help, who keep taking their feral moods out on everyone around them, in turn dragging everyone down with them. My only point of venting my complete frustration of her is here. Argh… I honestly feel like im pulling my hair out whilst banging my face against a brick wall…

ugh

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Warning I’m sorry but I might throw a few F bombs in this post as I honestly have just had more than my limitations…

I have been having such a hard time at the moment with Mr. Pre-teen. . It’s like he’s hit the wall of puberty and hormones all at once. I was going ok until this occurred and at the moment I feel like a monster mother who has “that problem child”. He was going really well at school then I don’t know what occurred or what part of his mindset made it ok for him to decide it’s ok to talk back, be rude and have the whole “I’m always right’ attitude.

I’m a very patient person but it’s like he is really trying to push way beyond my limits. I feel like somewhere I have failed as a parent but in all honesty I haven’t. Luckily I have an open relationship with his teacher and she’s comfortable telling me straight (as much as she tries not to sugar coat it, as she is one of those gentle personalities) how his attitude and behavior is at school. I feel like an asshole at the moment regarding my son. He has developed this whole attitude of “I don’t care” towards his academic work and thus his grades are not showing his capacities. He downright won’t do it or he has made this ‘diversion tactic” to prevent himself from completing his work. At home he’s started to talk back and trust me I nipped that situation in the ass real quick. I will not have any of my children think it’s ok to smart mouth, talk back, misbehave etc. I was not raised to think its ok for behaviors like this: I was raised old school with manners. So I have worked my single ass off to make sure that my children have been brought up the same way.

The most frustrating part for me and problem the most hurtful part is the lying. Why not admit that you screwed up instead of making what occurred at school only a half truth. I can’t stand people who lie. Plain and simple. So I made it very clear to my son what my expectations are of him on all levels and also told him that I was utterly disappointed in his poor choices. It really has done such a shitty fucking number on me as I received an email from his teacher on Monday stating how great his attitude and behavior has changed… then Tuesday the bomb drops that she was notified that Friday was such a mess (she was absent so she had to get all the information from the other teachers who replaced her). Argh for fucks sake. I ended up writing this post as this morning before school I received a phone call (at my request on a situation that occurred on Friday *apparently the ‘your mama jokes are the in thing at school and the kids use the most foul descriptive language you would only expect to hear at a construction site-not from primary school).. So the phone call I requested was about that and then she apologized to say that Friday was a really shitty day for my son behavior wise. I feel like I am banging my head against a fucking brick wall with my son seriously. This morning before school I went off like a bomb and in no uncertain terms told him and made it very clear how utterly disappointed I am at him. After such a shocking reality check from me (words only but spoken very calmly) he apparently snapped back into who he really is and had a great day. WHAT?? Why does it have to be like this?? Seriously he knows right from wrong yet at school he has a major brain explosion and thinks it’s ok to play up.?!

 

 

A week of being grateful..

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3rd Nov 2015: Tuesday I’m Grateful For:
🐉Having my post op left hand surgery appointment at the hospital. My surgeon was so impressed with how placid my daughter was and also very patient whilst waiting for me to be seen.
👹Having my right hand carpal tunnel surgery booked for early next year is a blessing as I can have enough time for my left hand to heal first.
🍹Air conditioning: omg it is humid as and the temp is in the high 30C today. Blessed for air con as it keeps us all cool including the fury baby as I think it’s cruel to keep her outside panting whilst we are cool inside.
🐝Having time to put up my blog posts.
🍇Seeing our garden and veggies flourish!
2nd Nov 2015: Monday I’m Grateful For:
☕Coffee- no sleep mummy..
🌲Tinkering in my garden= peaceful and relaxing
☁Tonight there is an amazingly cool breeze gusting through the house= nice and chilly
🌸Being able to read more of my book: “dead ice”
🌻Receiving my financial winnings from my scratchy= not massive but every bit is welcomed!
1st Nov 2015: Sunday I’m Grateful For:
🌷My mum and son actually helping to pull down all the Halloween decorations. Yes I had a spat but it needed to occur as over this past week I’ve managed only 1hr sleep each day and I think that I finally cracked.
🌼Playing and relaxing in our garden with the kids and fury baby.
🌈Massive water play with the kids and fury baby- nice way to cool down
31st Oct 2015: Saturday—HALLOWEEN I’m Grateful For:
🐲Finally the Halloween horror house that has now taken me a solid week to set up is on show. Everyone that came and trick or treated at our house absolutely loved it and said ‘omg this must have taken ages but it looks amazing!”. I feel immensely proud.
🐙The sheer enjoyment from my kids and we all loved dressing up as well.
🍭Taking my son and daughter trick or treating at a few houses.
🍰My son saying he had the best Halloween ever.
🎃My mum realizing how hardcore it was for me to set up the whole horror house and saying thank you (after I lost my shit and had a go at her)
30th Oct 2015: Friday I’m Grateful For:
🍦My financial winnings- not huge but I am grateful!
🌻Being surprised by random flowers etc we find growing so big in our gardens.
🔧My dad helping me fix my sons bike and pretending to fix my daughters 3 wheeler- yes even using our ‘real tools’ so she was included!
My parents spending equal quality one on one time with my kids.
👿Randomly being told that I’m a great mum.
29th Oct 2015: Thursday I’m Grateful For:
💝My 5 minutes to myself.
💆Being able to pee once by myself today was awesome- nothing like having our border collie and my daughter trying to play with my whilst I’m trying to wee.. Seriously..
🐢Starting to write a book for my kids
🐄Being able to get back into my drawing and sketching
🐧Making master pieces of Lego with my kids
28th Oct 2015: Wednesday I’m Grateful For:
🐥Drawing with the kids
💧Random rain showers cooled everything down(and we played in it making mud puddles)
🌞Teaching my fury baby ‘hi 5’
🌺My daughter randomly going up to nana, her brother and pop saying very clearly ‘hello!’
🎃working solidly on the Halloween horror house..nearly their..

More shenanigans

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Today I’m grateful for :
🌺 Having a beautiful monarch butterfly fly past me and gently touch my cheek as if to say hello.
🌿 Meeting a neighbors mum who has the thickest Scottish accent.
🌹 My daughter “helping” me put up more halloween decorations in the yard.
🌷My son who is 10 still wanting to cuddle up to his sister even tho she was attempting to have a meltdown with full blown tears and trying to comfort her.
🌻 My son giggling in hysterics as i purposly sang extremely loud on the way home from school and on purpose sounding like a dying cat.

Jump scares..

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Today I’m grateful for :
😱Making halloween props and placing them outside… couldnt stop laughing as a dude driving a truck pulled up outside and after 4 looks went “holy shit thats scary!” (I have only put up 2 props so far hahah…)
🎭My kids laughing hysterically as nana chased them around going “rah”..hehe my daughter was absolutly hysterical laughing.
🐝 Randomly jump scaring my mum and son was priceless..my son wasnt scared but mum freaked then couldn’t stop laughing like muttley..
🐉 My son having a great dayat school after returning from his surgery.
🐲 Reading more of my book.