Bleh

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Going to have a bit of a vent here:

💫 Currently surviving on very minimal sleep and its been an on going thing. . Adding into that mix I’ve been diagnosed with extreemly low levels of iron and possibly need iv transfusions..

😨My 2 year old daughter sleeps now from 8pm to 930pm then its party time until I  can eventually get her back to sleep at the wee hours in the morning… omg whoever said toddlers not sleeping during the day instead all through the night has been sugar coating..

😥 I feel like a walking corpse at most times and im not one to whinge… but I really feel I’m close to breaking point. ..

😤 i ended up having my right carpul tunnel surgery done and found out that I had shattered my wrist… that was back in early march and my hand/wrist is still trying to mend…

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Rant

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Ok so today i have been on my hands and knees scrubbing everything in our old house armed with gloves, hard ass bleach and other chemicals..

Why???

So when i hand the keys back for that house i will recieve a full bond refund.. considering i paid the total bond plus 3 weeks rent at our new place.. i need the refund..

Problem is that i feel so underappreciated by how much effort and hard work I’ve done for moving an entire house into our new one pretty much by myself and I’m now cleaning up the mess. I spent most of the day scrubbing like cinderella and still no one says even a thank you… I seriously feel a total crash and burn coming as I’ve only been able to sleep 30mins each night for the past few months… i want to scream at my parents in a verbal tyrant and so deservingly tell them im not their bloody slave..200w_d.gif
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IM ALIVE..

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Hi and welcome back finally!! I’ve been quite busy as of late I’ve also been with a lot of things but I hope that you’re having a happy new year so far and that everything is going the way you wish for 2016

So far 2016 has been full on:
My son has turned 11 in febuary and trust me puberty has hit hard!!. Having a hard time dealing with him asking me about who his father is.. I have life long sole custody of my son and a life long domestic violence order to protect us from the biological Feral, within this I’m finding it hard to come up with the answers that my son needs. I double checked and triple checked my court orders and even called my solicitor regrding this matter and it states clearly that I as the sole parent am not  allowed to disclose any information on eho what when where ehy etc also why I have sole custody including the domestic violence order. So what do I say. My son wants to know who is Dad is and he said he just wants to know with a shrugging shoulders and attitude look on his face.. All i say to him is:  mate a dad/parent is someone who is with you all the time, they love you, someone who looks after you on all levels, someone who plays with you etc and someone who helps you mature and grow up and does everything that i do for you and your sister. His responce,  Mum I know you are my mum my dad and you always have been but I just want to know… so I have no freaking idea what else to say??!!

I have just finished packing and moving my 2 kids, mum, dad, our fury baby and our feathered babies into our new house…yes you read right….i did it 80% all by myself..included all heavy lifting etc etc and countless nights where i average 30 minutes sleep im shattered.. still unpacking now but yes I’d like to explode a verbal attack on my dad whos just been a complete ass the whole time and of thus i have damaged myself and im all multi coloured bruised everywhere; even my pelvic bone… smashed the back of the ute drop tray right down on pelvis whilst moving and oh my god i thought i might have needed the hospital… now how to you explain a cracked vagina????

Besides that my daughter turns 2 this month… stop growing up right now…seriously please. She loves the new house, no stop talking including babbling when shes tired and very much a mini me: muss independent.

Sigh: well thats just a quick hi and hopefully optus fix our reception so i have the internet and can go back to posting on here… i miss the sharing, reading, venting etc of it..

Ps.. im also having my sevear carpul tunnel surgery on my right hand in less than 2 weeks so it shall be interesting to see how it all goes…

Please drop by and say hi!!

Stop Growing up

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Today Is  my son’s last say of Grade 5.. I cant believe where the time has gone. I still remember being pregnant and holding my little boy in my arms for the first time… i keep telling him he needs to stop growing up and he just laughs at me whilst reminding me that in 2016 he will be a senior of primary school (grade 6).. Nnooo xx

Quilting Mad

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I’m  currently madly sewing together a scrap quilt for my mum from myself and my kids. I had a handful of brightly coloured fabric and decided to randomly cut it up into different sizes, then let my preteen and toddler make their own pattern whilst im sewing it together. It’s really a funky pattern that the kids have made and I’m feeling so beyond proud of them. I will upload pictures later on. Seriously i couldnt be more proud as it was my son’s idea and he wanted his sister to help so they wanted nana to have a special xmas present that she could keep even when ‘she gets older’. Priceless.

Long time between blogs

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So I’ve not been able to get on and post anything for a while. Its been a tad crazy with both my kids being sick, I had a major crash and burn health wise and also my mum has been in these really crap high and low moods ie: happy one minute then being a total asshole the next. It’s really put pressure on the house emotionally and I have had to hold my tounge so many times I feel like a big verbal explosion of hateful truths will be spewed out of my mouth and she wont like it one bit of it. I honestly can’t understand the logical thought process of someone thinking it’s ok to be a total ass on all levels and then the next minute showering happy glittering fairy dust everywhere. When this happens oh my god she makes everyone around her feel like a monsterous blackhole as just engulfed everyone and everything surrounding her. It’s her pattern and I’ve had to deal with her feral mood patterns all my life. I wish she was honest with herself and told the doctors the truth on her mood rollercoaster but within saying that: how can she state the truth when she can’t see her destructive learned behaviour.  Honeslty if she did or the the doctor asked me about her behaviours then I would be blunt and honest as anyone could possibly be… I whole heartily grantee that she would be diagnosed with either; bipolar or manic depression and put on medications. It genuinely sucks to be around someone like this who won’t get help, who keep taking their feral moods out on everyone around them, in turn dragging everyone down with them. My only point of venting my complete frustration of her is here. Argh… I honestly feel like im pulling my hair out whilst banging my face against a brick wall…

ugh

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Warning I’m sorry but I might throw a few F bombs in this post as I honestly have just had more than my limitations…

I have been having such a hard time at the moment with Mr. Pre-teen. . It’s like he’s hit the wall of puberty and hormones all at once. I was going ok until this occurred and at the moment I feel like a monster mother who has “that problem child”. He was going really well at school then I don’t know what occurred or what part of his mindset made it ok for him to decide it’s ok to talk back, be rude and have the whole “I’m always right’ attitude.

I’m a very patient person but it’s like he is really trying to push way beyond my limits. I feel like somewhere I have failed as a parent but in all honesty I haven’t. Luckily I have an open relationship with his teacher and she’s comfortable telling me straight (as much as she tries not to sugar coat it, as she is one of those gentle personalities) how his attitude and behavior is at school. I feel like an asshole at the moment regarding my son. He has developed this whole attitude of “I don’t care” towards his academic work and thus his grades are not showing his capacities. He downright won’t do it or he has made this ‘diversion tactic” to prevent himself from completing his work. At home he’s started to talk back and trust me I nipped that situation in the ass real quick. I will not have any of my children think it’s ok to smart mouth, talk back, misbehave etc. I was not raised to think its ok for behaviors like this: I was raised old school with manners. So I have worked my single ass off to make sure that my children have been brought up the same way.

The most frustrating part for me and problem the most hurtful part is the lying. Why not admit that you screwed up instead of making what occurred at school only a half truth. I can’t stand people who lie. Plain and simple. So I made it very clear to my son what my expectations are of him on all levels and also told him that I was utterly disappointed in his poor choices. It really has done such a shitty fucking number on me as I received an email from his teacher on Monday stating how great his attitude and behavior has changed… then Tuesday the bomb drops that she was notified that Friday was such a mess (she was absent so she had to get all the information from the other teachers who replaced her). Argh for fucks sake. I ended up writing this post as this morning before school I received a phone call (at my request on a situation that occurred on Friday *apparently the ‘your mama jokes are the in thing at school and the kids use the most foul descriptive language you would only expect to hear at a construction site-not from primary school).. So the phone call I requested was about that and then she apologized to say that Friday was a really shitty day for my son behavior wise. I feel like I am banging my head against a fucking brick wall with my son seriously. This morning before school I went off like a bomb and in no uncertain terms told him and made it very clear how utterly disappointed I am at him. After such a shocking reality check from me (words only but spoken very calmly) he apparently snapped back into who he really is and had a great day. WHAT?? Why does it have to be like this?? Seriously he knows right from wrong yet at school he has a major brain explosion and thinks it’s ok to play up.?!

 

 

Green thumbs

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Today I’m grateful for :
🐮 Having my kids help me repot and plant in the backyard today.
🐯 Going for a super long walk with mmum and the kids.
🐛 Finally being able to finish my massive blog post about “the past still bites”
🐒 My son reading and sharing books with his sister.
🐷 Sitting and watching embarassing bodies with my son..its priceless.

Ggrrrhhh aaarrrggghhh..

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Ok so I have basically only had 2 hrs sleep in now 3 days which is really starting to take its toll. .i literally feel like the walking dead. Why no sleep? My body is aching, i have my son recovering from surgery, my daughter is madly cutting 4 teeth so she has disturbed sleep and throw in that my brain wont shut up… so not loving it..

Besides that zombiefied mummy situation today I’m grateful for :
🐞 Being able to read some more of my book. .
🐝 Getting out fury baby occupied by hiding her treats and getting her to find them.
🐳 Rain. Saves me having to water all my plants etc.
🐊 Making a pillow and blanket picnic with the kids.
🐙 My parents who spend equal time with both kids.

Freedom!!

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My left cast has come off today and oh my god…. I look like Frankenstein with monsterous stitches, fat hand due to swelling and all sorts of black blue purple green and yellow bruising. My left hand has no support so I keep forgetting not to use it until i do bump it and its a blood curdling 10/10 pain.. my Frankenstein stitches come out next week. .. I’m not sure if I want to follow through with having my right carpul tunel done…

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I also have mad black bruises up my forearm from the clamps they used. Also they actually did micro surgery under my skin up to mid forearm.

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Today I’m grateful for :
🐢 The rain as it soaked my plants and grass after i put fertilizer down.
🐥 Cuddles and kisses from my minions.
🐓 School holidays starting!
🐄 Getting back to drawing randomly with my good hand.
🐃 Doing small bits of movements with my left hand in its massive cast… oh my god pain is not my friend.

Venom

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Today I had major carpal tunnel surgery on my left hand and forearm. I haven’t had any sleep since saturday night… and today its smashed me..today is monday. I have a huge pain tollerance and its now starting to feel like my hand has been chopped off.

So Today I’m grateful for :
🐞 The anesthesia. .. 1hr 30mins of deadness thanks to the drugs. Love it.
💜 My mum & dad for looking after the kids.
💛 My dad who adimatly hates hospitals but dropped me off before dawn and picked me up from hospital this arvo.
💙 My welcome home kisses and cuddles from my kids.
💖 Haha being pounced on by our fury baby.. i told her to sit, sat beside her and let her smell the huge and very heavy plaster and said its ok. She layed on me and huffed. Cute

Finally! !

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So this morning I did another clear blue digital ovulation test and so far I have had 15 days positive with a flashing smiley.. by this time I was ready to throw the damn test at the wall when I kept getting that stupid flashing smile. . Seriously you read the instructions and it states: roughly 3 days flashing smile then a soild smile indicating that today is ovulation day. Like if you were hard out trying to fall pregnant then this would be the day to go at it. So I’m not in a relationship and nor do I want to be as I’m blissfully happy with my kids. 💕 I started tracking my ovulation cycles so: I know my body is getting back to normal after having such bad reactions to my implanon implants and when I’m ready to take the plunge and artificially inseminate donor sperm I know the timing.