Going to have a bit of a vent here:

💫 Currently surviving on very minimal sleep and its been an on going thing. . Adding into that mix I’ve been diagnosed with extreemly low levels of iron and possibly need iv transfusions..

😨My 2 year old daughter sleeps now from 8pm to 930pm then its party time until I  can eventually get her back to sleep at the wee hours in the morning… omg whoever said toddlers not sleeping during the day instead all through the night has been sugar coating..

😥 I feel like a walking corpse at most times and im not one to whinge… but I really feel I’m close to breaking point. ..

😤 i ended up having my right carpul tunnel surgery done and found out that I had shattered my wrist… that was back in early march and my hand/wrist is still trying to mend…


Teething like a champion


Today is kind of a struggle. Getting frustrated as Im feeling like death warmed up. Apparently my body has decided to crash and burn from minimal sleep and now my immune system is down and out = welcome chest infection. Little miss has been cutting teeth like its a huge rush to grow up, cutting 4 molars at once. She’s not a crying baby with teething she just get mad acidic runny poos with it. The result from the poos being so acidic is a red raw anus. Cream is applied so thickly I feel like a bricky doing rendering. On top of that she has never been a great night sleeper, but last night constantly waking up has left me feeling like my eyes are hanging out of my head.



I thought that I would put up on here why I dont put up personal photos of myself or my kids… I’ve been through way too much hence why I domestic violence orders and sole custody of my children. So needless to say I’m just putting up the reason if your wondering..

Oh Happy Day..


Today I am grateful for:
🌈My G.P who took out my implanon implant.
📷Actually being able to take a few photos of my daughter doing her new ‘stink face’..Priceless
📚 Being able to read a few long chapters in my book undisturbed while waiting for my doctor..
😆Seeing my sons huge smile and my daughter laughing/giggling as they played on the swing together.
🍀Taking my daughter for a huge walk today… half way through she ended up falling asleep peacefully.



Today I’m grateful for :
💐 My daughter who was helping me put away the cloths.. so I turn around and shes put on all of her brothers singlets.
💜 My financial winnings.
💙 My son who is way too mature for his age. He tells me today: mum you told me how you used to play mortal kombat when you were a kid and now im educating you on it now cause its all up dated.
🐝 Seeing both my kids faces light up when i arrive home with my son from school. They both run to each other for cuddles.
🐰 Having time to do a few more quick stitches on my massive minion for the kids.



Today I’m grateful for :
🐞 For building a blanket/pillow camp/forte and watched a Strawberry short cake dvd with my beautiful kids.
💕 My son wanting to push his sister in the trolley at the shops: he did this so he could pick and show her some clothes ge wanted to buy her.
💟 My kids = I love them to infinity and beyond.
💜My son who even tho has a weak stomach: kept his cool and calmed his sister after she just power spewed everywhere this arvo.
💙 Playing chase hide and seek with the kids: laughing to the point of pain!

Implanon implant…


wpid-images.jpgOh my god. I have had a few of these implants in my arm and let me tell you they’re not all wonderful like their made out to be. Firstly here are the different body reactions they apparently have: (I have attached the website to the description below)

The most common side effect of IMPLANON® (etonogestrel implant) is a change in your normal menstrual bleeding pattern. In studies, about 1 out of 10 women stopped using the implant because of an unfavorable change in their bleeding pattern. You may experience longer or shorter bleeding during your periods or have no bleeding at all. The time between periods may vary, and in between periods you may also have spotting.

Besides changes in menstrual bleeding patterns, other frequent side effects that caused women to stop using the implant include: Mood swings, Weight gain, Headache, Acne, Depressed mood

Other common side effects include:
Headache, Vaginitis (inflammation of the vagina), Weight gain, Acne, Breast pain, Viral infections such as sore throats or flu-like symptoms, Stomach pain, Painful periods, Mood swings, nervousness, or depressed mood, Back pain, Nausea, Dizziness, Pain at the site of insertion. This is not a complete list of possible side effects. For more information, ask your health care provider for advice about any side effects that concern you.

My Experiences Were:
🎯1st implant: I had my period heavy as for a constant 6 months at a time. I felt like I should have had shares in the tampon companies as I had to buy super tampons like they were lollies! Needless to say after dealing with a heavy flow non stop I had it removed.
🎯2nd implant: I had some periods but they were random as. I had to carry around spare tampons for the “just incase. It was like ‘bam gotcha’ with an instant clotting downpour. This went for a 2 years so I had it removed.
🎯3rd implant: I hardly had them at all and this was a pleasant surprise! My body would go months without anything then if I did get my periods they were super light. Thank god!! After a year I had this removed as I wanted to fall pregnant with my 2nd bub.

Ok: after I had this taken out it was like my body went into pay back mode. Flooding, heavy as periods just made me feel like crap. I was also living on pain killers as any other woman who bleeds kills the I asked my doctor about why it was so bad and apparently my body was on ‘cleanse mode’..lasted 5 months then I fell pregnant!! After I had my 2nd bub I decided to get the implant back in my arm, not that I was up or interested in sex but I wanted to control my periods..
🎯4th implant: I got it put in and so far its back to random lengthy periods. I have just had my periods for 4 months… yes ladies it’s not a typo.. 4 months! Needless to say its got to come out.

You’re probably thinking why keep going back to getting the implant?
👍Its easy to forget
👍Dont have to take the pill which has to be taken the same time everyday. The pill also makes me sick, cancer medications im on for life don’t coincide peacefully with it… neither does anything else. It’s either have this or nothing.. so I’m having it removed to give my body a break.

Any women brave enough to share their experiences??

Catching up


I dont know about you but im hitting my wall of tiredness today. Im usually a person whom is blessed enough able to survive on little to no sleep… but their comes a time every few days where my body is screaming at me to slow down and chill. Im not a person able to sit still for long,I’ve constantly got to hop up and do things and I’m not built/programmed to just “veg out”. Telling me to just relax is like telling a bird not to fly. I just cant. My mind is always racing with things and cause im so independent I’ve just made myself this way. So where am i going with this? Today is a crash and burn day for me… its kinda like my brain and body just goin shut down mode= zumby= mum is like a zombie. . T i r e d ..



Today I’m grateful for:

💗 My budgies= unconditional love given and received.

💖 My dad= spending time with my kids.

💕 Having time to put together the kids wooden kitchen ensemble.

💓 My son= for being able to talk openly with me.

💜 My kids= seriously i couldn’t feel more loved if i tried.

Domestic Violence


When I had my first child I was in a really bad situation on all levels. Bad relationship of which involved domestic violence on all terms. I ended up such a broken person with such a shattered spirit. People who say “oh why dosent she just leave” honestly have no idea what their talking about. How can someone so beautiful end up such a broken shattered spirit?

Easy. When you start dating someone and they put on a mask pretending to be someone their not, you get sucked into the fake persona. You get ripped off. In my experience you actually fall in love with the person they pretend to be. Later down the track (im talking pass the 9month to 1 year mark) things for me started to crack and small traits showed them true self.

When this happened i thougt “no way seriously he must have been just having a moment..” and insert any other disbelief thoughts in here. Then the controlling started and it happened so fast i didnt know what the hell was happening. Life what you say??

Verbal abuse, snide comments, demeaning remarks, being selfish, hiding that he was smoking tobacco and later on (after i had sone the runner) found out was drug using, stripped me from my friends, family, isolation, physical abuse and the list goes on. Funny how on the outside everyone thought everything was normal. The difference was at home it was hell. I bless and im so greatful for “lifeline” as i called them in tears countless times. I had a really stupid family doctor and when i showed him the physical abuse he just very ignorantly put me on anxiety medications, wrote notes on my file and sent me on my way. What the fuck?! Doctors are ment to report this and have a duty of care!! He had me 4x the maximum dosage which inturn made me completely numb on all levels as a person and enabled me to cop more floggings without being able to speak up.

Moving on… i was smart enough to take photos of everything, kept a secret diary written in code which later on proved to be key point evidence into why i have been granted a life long domestic violence order and sole custody of child #1. It came to the point i did the runner after a few weeks of reparing the damage the ex caused to my family and thankfully i was accepted back with loving arms,hugs and many tears and apologies from both myself and my family. When your that broken from all his damage you dont notice what had been done by him behind the scenes. I suffered serious anxiety attacks, panic attacks and post traumatic stress including horrific nightmares from that person. Im so glad that something snapped inside myself and especially with help from my mum whos a retired nurse was shocked to say the least at the medication i was placed on, negligence from the g.p on all levels and helped me to see the shining light at the end of the tunnel.

If your in that situation no matter what anyone says, when you are so deep in that hole you cant see or think clearly. Their are so many thoughts or ideas that women who stay are stupid etc but let me tell you THEIR NOT. Im a highly educated woman with many degrees under my belt but at the end of the day looking back at how you fall in love with someone who puts on a fake face/persona etc for almost a year… you tell me how you would feel… so if you know anyone whos in any situation like this: talk to them. The smallest thing like saying “hi are you ok” could be their turning point where they have their life changing moment of “enough is enough” and realise it’s not normal and relationships are not ment to be this way.

Postnatal Depression


I’m going to be completely honest here: when I had my recent bub (#2) a few weeks in I started hitting the emotional wall= I turned into a mess. I was normal around everyone but I  had random times when I lost it and turned into a blubbering mess with this came an instant crashing wave of emotional black hole. I’m not a person who easily cries. It’s a major thing esp very minimal sleep your brain and body think its ok to mess with your head and i felt like shit. Mum’s a retired nurse and she was keeping an eye out for pnd (Postnatal Depression). I think for me it lasted a month but man when those moments hit randomly it was the most horrible feeling in the world. Post natal depression isn’t something that’s talked about much and it should be.

When I had my first child I was in a really bad situation on all levels. Bad relationship of which involved domestic violence on all terms. I ended up such a broken person with such a shattered spirit. People who say “oh why doesn’t she just leave” honestly have no idea what they’re talking about. It came to the point where I had such a traumatic c-section and being in such a horrid relationship its like my emotions switched off to the world like I went completely numb. The only light at the end of the tunnel was the emense love, joy, wonder, happiness etc I felt for my child. I had the “silver back gorilla” protective instinct kick in at the same time for my bub and that’s when I started putting everything in motion to escape. Long story short I ran,never looking back and I have been granted sole custody with no contact thank god.

What was your experience?? Did your Postnatal Depression just: disappear? Had to seek medical help? Had to be prescribed medications? Had bad feelings towards bub/family? Had bad feelings towards self?

I will also put up a post about my journey of domestic violence



Anyone know how challenging it is to try and link my blog, twitter and pininterest account whilst having only a few minutes here and their… hehe think of this: you might as well switch a blender on without a lid. Needless to say im completely loving the challenge!

What your NOT TOLD after giving birth


Seriously there’s ALOT that the midwives, doctors and hospital staff DONT TELL YOU what happens when you go home after giving birth. If i had of been told these things i probably could of saved myself the major freak outs of thinking “OH MY GOD what is going on with me”.

Heads up if you’re squeamish then be aware this is descriptive and ive been lucky enough to find photographs that show what im talking about. Being brutally honest here because i was not told this could/would happen from the hospital or any maternity staff.

After i left the hospital, 3rd day after having a c-section it was a couple of nights later when about 11pm ish i was burping my baby after a feed as an instant “holy shit something is wrong”feeling kicked in… so with bub in arms i went straight into my mums bedroom. After a few minutes i finally woke mum up and asked for help to take my bub whilst i had immense gut pain. As soon as mum took my bub i felt this massive gush like i just peed out a river only to look down and instantly say “oh my god!!!”… i went straight to the toilet, sat down and it looked like i had just bleed out my intestines!! without being gross it looked like chopped up liver mixed with clots. So cleaned everything then went and had a quick shower. After that i went and told mum and she’s a retired nurse she said: didn’t they tell you at the hospital its the ‘clean out’ your womb etc does after giving birth. I said no way. So i called the birthing clinic explained the situation and yep she said “oh love i’m so sorry its not written in your notes and they should have told you upon discharge”. Seriously!! The last thing a mum with a new born baby needs is for them making me think i was bleeding to death or something was majorly wrong.! Ugh. Anyone else had situations like this??

I couldnt really find anything that showed exactly what i was trying to describe… so i found this brave ass woman who took a picture to show you what “losing your guts looks like”. Seriously now you can see what i was taking about. If i had of been shown this i wouldnt have had the massive panic attack i did thinking “my guts are falling out”.