Stop Growing up

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Today Is  my son’s last say of Grade 5.. I cant believe where the time has gone. I still remember being pregnant and holding my little boy in my arms for the first time… i keep telling him he needs to stop growing up and he just laughs at me whilst reminding me that in 2016 he will be a senior of primary school (grade 6).. Nnooo xx

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ugh

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Warning I’m sorry but I might throw a few F bombs in this post as I honestly have just had more than my limitations…

I have been having such a hard time at the moment with Mr. Pre-teen. . It’s like he’s hit the wall of puberty and hormones all at once. I was going ok until this occurred and at the moment I feel like a monster mother who has “that problem child”. He was going really well at school then I don’t know what occurred or what part of his mindset made it ok for him to decide it’s ok to talk back, be rude and have the whole “I’m always right’ attitude.

I’m a very patient person but it’s like he is really trying to push way beyond my limits. I feel like somewhere I have failed as a parent but in all honesty I haven’t. Luckily I have an open relationship with his teacher and she’s comfortable telling me straight (as much as she tries not to sugar coat it, as she is one of those gentle personalities) how his attitude and behavior is at school. I feel like an asshole at the moment regarding my son. He has developed this whole attitude of “I don’t care” towards his academic work and thus his grades are not showing his capacities. He downright won’t do it or he has made this ‘diversion tactic” to prevent himself from completing his work. At home he’s started to talk back and trust me I nipped that situation in the ass real quick. I will not have any of my children think it’s ok to smart mouth, talk back, misbehave etc. I was not raised to think its ok for behaviors like this: I was raised old school with manners. So I have worked my single ass off to make sure that my children have been brought up the same way.

The most frustrating part for me and problem the most hurtful part is the lying. Why not admit that you screwed up instead of making what occurred at school only a half truth. I can’t stand people who lie. Plain and simple. So I made it very clear to my son what my expectations are of him on all levels and also told him that I was utterly disappointed in his poor choices. It really has done such a shitty fucking number on me as I received an email from his teacher on Monday stating how great his attitude and behavior has changed… then Tuesday the bomb drops that she was notified that Friday was such a mess (she was absent so she had to get all the information from the other teachers who replaced her). Argh for fucks sake. I ended up writing this post as this morning before school I received a phone call (at my request on a situation that occurred on Friday *apparently the ‘your mama jokes are the in thing at school and the kids use the most foul descriptive language you would only expect to hear at a construction site-not from primary school).. So the phone call I requested was about that and then she apologized to say that Friday was a really shitty day for my son behavior wise. I feel like I am banging my head against a fucking brick wall with my son seriously. This morning before school I went off like a bomb and in no uncertain terms told him and made it very clear how utterly disappointed I am at him. After such a shocking reality check from me (words only but spoken very calmly) he apparently snapped back into who he really is and had a great day. WHAT?? Why does it have to be like this?? Seriously he knows right from wrong yet at school he has a major brain explosion and thinks it’s ok to play up.?!

 

 

Smile

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Ok so the urine test strips for ovulation we’re sending my brain mushy..to many variants on what the results are. So I ended up buying the clear blue digital ovulation test. Lets just say in a rush their not easy to do. First 2 tests I did made me want to throw a tamtrum.. I was swearing at the tests as they didnt read properly. So when I had a chance I read and reread the instructions again making sure I followed the instructions to a t. I did one this morning and finally!!! Take a look:

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My results we’re a flashing smiling face so apparently I’m highly fertile. Go me!

So why am I tracking my ovulation?? 2 reasons:
1= I have had the most worst time with my implanon implants and most ended up with non stop periods for months as a time. I need to ensure that my body has returned to a normal cycle.
2= I want to have my last child within a year or so. I’m not with anyone in a relationship; I will be using donor sperm via artificial insemination only.

Pregnant and single is my choice. I dont need to be in a relationship as I’m happy just being with my kids of which I have fulltime custody. So I’m excited.

Chucky

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So the kids and nana are eating afternoon tea when my daughter walks up to me with open arms indicating she wants a cuddle. I’m laying on the floor so I sit up and in that very second she let rip this massive power spew that went everywhere and all over ME! Yes in my hair, some on my face, all over my cloths. To be honest I’ve got an iron stomach so I’m not bothered but my son runs out of the room gagging whilst nana is on the couch next to me freaking out yelling at my son to get the wipes. I instantly say in a calm voice ‘mum just shut up theirs no need to freak out and let him go or he’ll spew on you.” Inside I’m laughing cause shes started gagging whilst baby girl is emptying the contents of her stomach all over me. I casually pick her up and head straight to the bath room. My daughter didnt cry. I casually said “do you feel better now baby girl?” She replies “mum” whilst nodding yes.  Needless to say a huge bubble bath was had and all smiles as shes feeling much better!

Oh Happy Day..

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Today I am grateful for:
🌈My G.P who took out my implanon implant.
📷Actually being able to take a few photos of my daughter doing her new ‘stink face’..Priceless
📚 Being able to read a few long chapters in my book undisturbed while waiting for my doctor..
😆Seeing my sons huge smile and my daughter laughing/giggling as they played on the swing together.
🍀Taking my daughter for a huge walk today… half way through she ended up falling asleep peacefully.

Nervousness

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Ok so tomorrow is the big day.. I’m finally getting my Implanon taken out. Why so happy?? Well I’ve been having my period straight for over 5 months now and I’m looking forward to getting my body back to normal. Yes you read correctly full on periods lasting for over 5 months… So the nervousness comes from my next decision: finding a sperm donor via artificial insemination only and tracking my ovulation cycles for a successful outcome = my last baby I have this monster urge. Wish me luck.

Light when its raining

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Today I’m grateful for :
💗 My mum who watched my minions whilst I was able to get my nails done (my one and only indulgence/treat).
💖Sharing the feeling of hot blankets i just pulled out of the dryer with my kids.
💕 Having my toddler tell me ‘poo’ or ‘wee’ whilst running to the toilet or potty. Celebrating with a dance and a stamp!
💜My son who helps without having to be asked.
💓God bless my mum who has my kids addicted to watching “the bold and the beautiful”..seriously the theme music plays and everyone drops and runs to sit with nana.

Challenging

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I’m still working out the menu’s etc for this blog… in the meantime you have to laugh at “trying” as my teething bub is and preteen want my undevided attention. Mr preteen looks over my shoulder and states “id like to start a blog about gaming and sis should have a blog about dollies”. funny!

Domestic Violence

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When I had my first child I was in a really bad situation on all levels. Bad relationship of which involved domestic violence on all terms. I ended up such a broken person with such a shattered spirit. People who say “oh why dosent she just leave” honestly have no idea what their talking about. How can someone so beautiful end up such a broken shattered spirit?

Easy. When you start dating someone and they put on a mask pretending to be someone their not, you get sucked into the fake persona. You get ripped off. In my experience you actually fall in love with the person they pretend to be. Later down the track (im talking pass the 9month to 1 year mark) things for me started to crack and small traits showed them true self.

When this happened i thougt “no way seriously he must have been just having a moment..” and insert any other disbelief thoughts in here. Then the controlling started and it happened so fast i didnt know what the hell was happening. Life what you say??

Verbal abuse, snide comments, demeaning remarks, being selfish, hiding that he was smoking tobacco and later on (after i had sone the runner) found out was drug using, stripped me from my friends, family, isolation, physical abuse and the list goes on. Funny how on the outside everyone thought everything was normal. The difference was at home it was hell. I bless and im so greatful for “lifeline” as i called them in tears countless times. I had a really stupid family doctor and when i showed him the physical abuse he just very ignorantly put me on anxiety medications, wrote notes on my file and sent me on my way. What the fuck?! Doctors are ment to report this and have a duty of care!! He had me 4x the maximum dosage which inturn made me completely numb on all levels as a person and enabled me to cop more floggings without being able to speak up.

Moving on… i was smart enough to take photos of everything, kept a secret diary written in code which later on proved to be key point evidence into why i have been granted a life long domestic violence order and sole custody of child #1. It came to the point i did the runner after a few weeks of reparing the damage the ex caused to my family and thankfully i was accepted back with loving arms,hugs and many tears and apologies from both myself and my family. When your that broken from all his damage you dont notice what had been done by him behind the scenes. I suffered serious anxiety attacks, panic attacks and post traumatic stress including horrific nightmares from that person. Im so glad that something snapped inside myself and especially with help from my mum whos a retired nurse was shocked to say the least at the medication i was placed on, negligence from the g.p on all levels and helped me to see the shining light at the end of the tunnel.

If your in that situation no matter what anyone says, when you are so deep in that hole you cant see or think clearly. Their are so many thoughts or ideas that women who stay are stupid etc but let me tell you THEIR NOT. Im a highly educated woman with many degrees under my belt but at the end of the day looking back at how you fall in love with someone who puts on a fake face/persona etc for almost a year… you tell me how you would feel… so if you know anyone whos in any situation like this: talk to them. The smallest thing like saying “hi are you ok” could be their turning point where they have their life changing moment of “enough is enough” and realise it’s not normal and relationships are not ment to be this way.

Postnatal Depression

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I’m going to be completely honest here: when I had my recent bub (#2) a few weeks in I started hitting the emotional wall= I turned into a mess. I was normal around everyone but I  had random times when I lost it and turned into a blubbering mess with this came an instant crashing wave of emotional black hole. I’m not a person who easily cries. It’s a major thing esp very minimal sleep your brain and body think its ok to mess with your head and i felt like shit. Mum’s a retired nurse and she was keeping an eye out for pnd (Postnatal Depression). I think for me it lasted a month but man when those moments hit randomly it was the most horrible feeling in the world. Post natal depression isn’t something that’s talked about much and it should be.

When I had my first child I was in a really bad situation on all levels. Bad relationship of which involved domestic violence on all terms. I ended up such a broken person with such a shattered spirit. People who say “oh why doesn’t she just leave” honestly have no idea what they’re talking about. It came to the point where I had such a traumatic c-section and being in such a horrid relationship its like my emotions switched off to the world like I went completely numb. The only light at the end of the tunnel was the emense love, joy, wonder, happiness etc I felt for my child. I had the “silver back gorilla” protective instinct kick in at the same time for my bub and that’s when I started putting everything in motion to escape. Long story short I ran,never looking back and I have been granted sole custody with no contact thank god.

What was your experience?? Did your Postnatal Depression just: disappear? Had to seek medical help? Had to be prescribed medications? Had bad feelings towards bub/family? Had bad feelings towards self?

I will also put up a post about my journey of domestic violence

Finally!

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Anyone know how challenging it is to try and link my blog, twitter and pininterest account whilst having only a few minutes here and their… hehe think of this: you might as well switch a blender on without a lid. Needless to say im completely loving the challenge!

What your NOT TOLD after giving birth

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Seriously there’s ALOT that the midwives, doctors and hospital staff DONT TELL YOU what happens when you go home after giving birth. If i had of been told these things i probably could of saved myself the major freak outs of thinking “OH MY GOD what is going on with me”.

Heads up if you’re squeamish then be aware this is descriptive and ive been lucky enough to find photographs that show what im talking about. Being brutally honest here because i was not told this could/would happen from the hospital or any maternity staff.

After i left the hospital, 3rd day after having a c-section it was a couple of nights later when about 11pm ish i was burping my baby after a feed as an instant “holy shit something is wrong”feeling kicked in… so with bub in arms i went straight into my mums bedroom. After a few minutes i finally woke mum up and asked for help to take my bub whilst i had immense gut pain. As soon as mum took my bub i felt this massive gush like i just peed out a river only to look down and instantly say “oh my god!!!”… i went straight to the toilet, sat down and it looked like i had just bleed out my intestines!! without being gross it looked like chopped up liver mixed with clots. So cleaned everything then went and had a quick shower. After that i went and told mum and she’s a retired nurse she said: didn’t they tell you at the hospital its the ‘clean out’ your womb etc does after giving birth. I said no way. So i called the birthing clinic explained the situation and yep she said “oh love i’m so sorry its not written in your notes and they should have told you upon discharge”. Seriously!! The last thing a mum with a new born baby needs is for them making me think i was bleeding to death or something was majorly wrong.! Ugh. Anyone else had situations like this??

I couldnt really find anything that showed exactly what i was trying to describe… so i found this brave ass woman who took a picture to show you what “losing your guts looks like”. Seriously now you can see what i was taking about. If i had of been shown this i wouldnt have had the massive panic attack i did thinking “my guts are falling out”.

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Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. . Seriously?

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wpid-fb_img_1436911350254.jpgLets take another spin on the “breastfeeding vs bottle feeding” debate. To me it’s a topic of discussion which has turned into a big ego battle. These days you have the hospital’s, medical professionals etc etc ramming this theory/thought that if you can’t breastfeed your baby your pretty much worthless, shitty mum, (insert anything here that makes you feel like a crap parent who can’t provide for your baby). When did they feel that it was ok to bully women like this?

Seriously it needs to stop. If you’re able to breastfeed a honest heartfelt congratulations. If you’re unable to then you should still feel proud that you’re still providing essential food your baby.

I know when i went through the hospital for the maternity clinic i felt every time i went, the medical staff were ramming how vitally important breastfeeding was and how nothing less would be ok for the baby. Let me tell you something. I was bottle fed,so was my son, so were my siblings and working in childcare for over 15 years i bottle fed a lot of babies…not one grew a second head from it and all were healthy. I’ve also recently had a daughter of which i did formula and expressed breast milk.
I dont understand the whole thought concept of who says what or who has the right to make any woman feel guilty about what method of feeding is right. At the end of the day it’s the mother’s choice to feed her child in which she best possibly can without feeling any remorse or guilt on her decision. I would love to hear all women comment on their experiences with what they went through,how they felt and what they chose was best for their baby. Come on ladies lets do this.

Lets Get Real

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I’ve decided it’s time to get real. Its time for mums to open up all can of worms and express ourselves. Ever wanted to ask another mum with real life experience a burning question that you might not feel comfortable asking due to the fear of being looked at sideways like you’ve grown a second head? Well don’t stres
s anymore… ask away… no judgments will be placed here. This is a judgment free zone. I’m going to be putting up all sorts of information regarding parenting and being a mum. So what’s the difference? I have a lot of friends who have just had bubs or have little ones and being quite honest I’m frustrated at the lack of emotional care or support for us! Yes you get the full support while your pregnant then after you’ve given birth but most feel like its just cut off a few weeks after birth. Pretty much a pat on the back “well done” and you’re sent on your way. Lots of ladies have questions or situations that arise and with the lack of support i thought it was time we started opening up without the feeling of being judged. Why not? If I can help just one person then i will be forever grateful as i sure as hell know that if i’d been given a heads up on a few topics/situations then i wouldn’t have felt lost